People say it's better to have experience in everything but if there's one thing I'd rather not experience is losing a loved one.
I was right there when my sister flatlined in the ER, and I was there when my grandfather died. I remember calling him and letting him know that I was there when I heard him having a hard time breathing. I didn't know those were his last. After I felt that he heard me, I went to my room and I then heard my mom call out to me and that was it.
All this comes back to mind because I lost my cousin this afternoon. She fought hard against Cancer for more than two years and she finally found peace today.
I rushed to the hospital after reading my aunts text that her vitals were dropping. I was 30 minutes too late. When I got there, I saw my aunt outside their room and I waved. She stood up and walked towards me as I read her lips saying "wala na sya" (she's gone). I then went up to hug her and she started crying. I stood there comforting her as I tried to take in the news and the reality that one of my closest cousins has finally bid goodbye.
I am saddened by the fact that she's gone. I am telling you, the world has lost one of the funniest women it ever had. It's proof that she is indeed my cousin. Even in stage 4, I fought the fight of faith with her and prayed and believed for healing even when a lot of the people around her saw it the other way. But when I read the text that she was already failing, God gave me the comfort telling me that it finally is time. I am happy in a way now that her sufferings are finally over. It really made my stomach turn seeing her in pain every time I visited her.
It's just hard to take it all in when the "ate" I looked up to after my sister passed, also had to leave me. It's a really hard thing to swallow really. It's one thing I will just leave to God to reveal for me.
One thing I won't forget about her is how she always thought of others. She was supposed to be Lovecore and silverfilter's manager. We already had our first meeting with the band and then she found out that Cancer had her again. When I visited her at the hospital, all weak and in pain, all she said was "sorry... sorry I couldn't take care of the band. Tell the boys, sorry." I think that really speaks of how she really was as a person.
Since my sister passed in 97, I became more aware of how precious life is and made me more in tune with how I relate to the people I love and always remember to treasure and cherish every moment I have with them. It truly is an eye-opener and it does make moments matter every time you're with them. Now, I always make it a point not only to spend time with the people I love but to do things now and not wait for anything thinking there'll always be a next time.
I shall miss you ate Rous. I love you. Say hi to ate She for me and tell her I'm doing good here and she'll be so proud of of where I am today.
Cy
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